Walking in Conrad Murray’s Shoes
It seems to be important in our society to place blame as part of our grieving process. Isn’t that where our minds go when we hear that someone dies, or gets sick or is in an accident? What or who caused this?
The verdict of blame fell on Dr. Conrad Murray. And why shouldn’t it? After all he was the professional in charge of Mr. Michael Jackson’s care at the time of his death. I am not saying that the verdict was wrong. From the news reports, the jurors worked hard to figure out what the fair verdict was.
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross gave us the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I am not sure where blame falls into this list. Perhaps it is a part of “acceptance”. I grew up in a home where blame was important. When I got out in the world, sure enough there was blame as an important part of the process our society goes through. It seems there is the need to blame someone when circumstances go differently than anticipated.
I heard on the news that there were other doctors who refused to care for Mr. Jackson. I was actually in Dr. Murray’s shoes once. I answered the call, drove six hours in the rain to help a good friend with his loved one who was sent home on hospice. The hospice nurse was not due to arrive until the next day. Other local family and friends had not answered the call for various reasons. Without going into dramatic detail, the patient died very comfortably at home in his own bed with his son, grandson, and me by his side. From a hospice nurse’s point of view: a very good death.
However, my relationship with his son has remains tarnished today. My good friend decided to blame me for his father’s death because I used morphine as well as other physician ordered medications to ease his father’s suffering. I showed up when no one else did and made the best decisions I knew how to do, I was blamed and I lost a very good friend because of it.
Not the same fate as Dr. Murray but I empathize with the pressure that was placed on him in trying to balance doing no harm, and easing human suffering. Sometimes it is impossible to do both of those tasks. Often medical decisions are placed on these very precarious horns of a dilemma.
My concern is that our medical establishment will look at this case and it will give them one more reason to not order medications or treatments for patients who are suffering. As a hospice nurse, I have found it challenging at times to get an attending physician to order enough medications to ease a dying patient’s suffering. I always had a hospice medical director who would give me permission in the form of an order to ease the pain.
Once again the message this verdict gives us as a society, is there shall be blame and there shall be consequences for those who show up. Woody Allen is given credit for saying, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” Numerous luminaries according to Wikipedia claim to be the author of “No good deed goes unpunished.”
I have more than one night without sleep and I am ready for hospice to intervene. I do not believe death is the worst outcome. I admit to being a wimp when it comes to suffering. I am not making any excuses for Dr. Murray because I was not there and I do not know what was in his heart when he made the decisions he made. I intend to keep showing up and doing the best job I know how to do.
It seems to be important in our society to place blame as part of our grieving process. Isn’t that where our minds go when we hear that someone dies, or gets sick or is in an accident? What or who caused this?
The verdict of blame fell on Dr. Conrad Murray. And why shouldn’t it? After all he was the professional in charge of Mr. Michael Jackson’s care at the time of his death. I am not saying that the verdict was wrong. From the news reports, the jurors worked hard to figure out what the fair verdict was.
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross gave us the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I am not sure where blame falls into this list. Perhaps it is a part of “acceptance”. I grew up in a home where blame was important. When I got out in the world, sure enough there was blame as an important part of the process our society goes through. It seems there is the need to blame someone when circumstances go differently than anticipated.
I heard on the news that there were other doctors who refused to care for Mr. Jackson. I was actually in Dr. Murray’s shoes once. I answered the call, drove six hours in the rain to help a good friend with his loved one who was sent home on hospice. The hospice nurse was not due to arrive until the next day. Other local family and friends had not answered the call for various reasons. Without going into dramatic detail, the patient died very comfortably at home in his own bed with his son, grandson, and me by his side. From a hospice nurse’s point of view: a very good death.
However, my relationship with his son has remains tarnished today. My good friend decided to blame me for his father’s death because I used morphine as well as other physician ordered medications to ease his father’s suffering. I showed up when no one else did and made the best decisions I knew how to do, I was blamed and I lost a very good friend because of it.
Not the same fate as Dr. Murray but I empathize with the pressure that was placed on him in trying to balance doing no harm, and easing human suffering. Sometimes it is impossible to do both of those tasks. Often medical decisions are placed on these very precarious horns of a dilemma.
My concern is that our medical establishment will look at this case and it will give them one more reason to not order medications or treatments for patients who are suffering. As a hospice nurse, I have found it challenging at times to get an attending physician to order enough medications to ease a dying patient’s suffering. I always had a hospice medical director who would give me permission in the form of an order to ease the pain.
Once again the message this verdict gives us as a society, is there shall be blame and there shall be consequences for those who show up. Woody Allen is given credit for saying, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” Numerous luminaries according to Wikipedia claim to be the author of “No good deed goes unpunished.”
I have more than one night without sleep and I am ready for hospice to intervene. I do not believe death is the worst outcome. I admit to being a wimp when it comes to suffering. I am not making any excuses for Dr. Murray because I was not there and I do not know what was in his heart when he made the decisions he made. I intend to keep showing up and doing the best job I know how to do.